my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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