We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize