I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
