I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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