i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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