My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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