i jhust puked up my retainher.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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