and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
