I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
