I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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