I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
