id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
