i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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