I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize