My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
