Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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