I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
