Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
