Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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