also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
