Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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