Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
