Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
