Quick, to the slutcave!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
