Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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