Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
