Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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