Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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