i will never coherently bang her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
