i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
