bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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