I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
