Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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