I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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