evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
