I look better un-naked...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
