@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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