I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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