Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
