I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
