Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
