didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
