haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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