New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
