I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
