Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
