HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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