woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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