i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize