OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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