you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
