I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
