I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize