Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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