he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
