Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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