some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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