you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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