WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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