I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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