I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
